Monday, July 4, 2016

Stuck

Its been 2 years and 2 month since that day. A day that really rip my heart. I lost. I lost everything. I lost my way. I lost direction. I lost you. 

Since then i tried to find someone else. Just to replace you. Not a person like you im looking for. But the feeling of when im with you. The feeling of loving you. Thats what im looking for. And i cant find it. Im stuck. Im stuck with the feeling of hapiness with you back then and sorrow of now. 

I tried everything i could. Oh i mean everything. From all over aspects. Just to forget what i feel about you.  Just to feel new. Just to feel happiness again. But it seems a long way. I really didnt see the path. The light of my future relationship.

Oh god, not once, not twice, but i tried so many times with so many girls, just to feel the love. But everything just not right. When the time to go further, or open up more, i just cant. Im stuck again. I dont know whether it is because i am afraid or im just not ready. 

Someone said to me, time will heal, but i didnt agree. Yeah mybe im better now compared to 2 years back. But i really cant forget. I really cant find the feeling of being in loved and loving someone. I dont know whats wrong but i just cant feel it. Its been 2 years but im not fully healed yet. How long it will takes? Im afraid it will be too late then when im fully recovered.

Someone else advice me to rest from all this bullshit, and im agree with that. I should rest. Mybe i should just forget about relationship and focus on something else. Like career or family. But i know deep down i need someone to take care of me. To remind me about everything in life. To feel the heat of love. The passion. To feel the happiness of giving and accepting. I know i need those thing to be filled up into my heart. I need to feel the life!

I dont know. I just stuck. I really hope i will forget the feeling of loving you. I really really tried hard to forget. But end up i remembering your smile, your laugh on every night. And it is hurt! Its fucking hurt! A lot!

I just wanted to be happy. I know its my karma. Its been 2 years already. Why i still cant forget you? I really feel like im a loser. Everything is changing, life, work, years, but not this empty feeling. This empty feeling just stuck in my chest and dont want to get out. And hold me from starting all over again. 

Shit your images keep on running into my head. God. Im 26 years old already but im still stuck on this thing. I pray everyday so that i forget you. I really dont know what else i should do. And im tired. Fucking tired to be stuck in this shit. 

Just take me out from this sorrow
So that i can live in tomorrow
Focus on what i should 
Rather than to stay put.
I want to have a happy dream
And feel the love cream
Shine and feeling bright
So i can find my future bride.

"Can you take it all away?"